The First Step….

The First Step

I took the first step and signed up for a couple of classes. I am really excited and a bit anxious. I really want this. I will fill you in on the details soon but for now think about what first steps you can make to move forward from this.

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Life is tooooooo short

As I sat at my desk this morning, reading the headlines on my home page….I started to cry.  I have family in Oklahoma and they are all safe but I can’t imagine what they are going through.  I have been in floods and the devastation does not end as the clean up does.  As the days go on, the rest of us will put this natural disaster out of our minds but the people of Oklahoma will be surrounded by constant reminders.  Please keep these people in your thoughts and prayers.  

Things I am learning…

When I returned home from my visit with my brother and sister in law, I was a bit defeated. However, I am learning more and more about what I want and what I do not.

I realized that they work for others and it works for them.  They make great money, they save and they have no children.  They travel and can do lots of things together.  They enjoy great food and drinks and being able to host others.

All those things are nice but they are not my life nor the direction that I want for myself.  I want to work for myself.  I would like to make good money and save some but I do have children and I enjoy them, most of the time.  I am laughing but I am also being real honest.  It is very important to me that my children see me happy and that they have a rounded world.  I do not want them to get hurt but I want them to live.  I want them to be able to play outside, regardless of their allergies, mosquitos, or the weather, within reason.  I want them to see that they do not have to work for anyone else to realize their dreams.  I want them to know that I will love them regardless of their career plans.

On Sunday, my brother made it a point to ask me if my son talks about what he wants to do.  I asked “like for a career and what college he wants to go to?” He said yes and I was dumbfounded.  I said that I do not push those decisions at this point and he got rather irritated with me and said “so you do not push him to think about his future?”  I did not argue with him but I wanted to say something about this being exactly why I did not want to move close to him and why I want to move away from our parents.  My son is 9 years old.  At this point, I know that he is going to work and be pressured for many, many years after he is an adult and I want him to be a kid while he is still a kid.

I have heard it said that you should never take travel advise from someone who has never left home and I am paying attention to the advice that I am receiving.  I have been home a few days now and things are sinking in.  I went there for positive reinforcement and I did not need too.  My plans are very different from how they live, so how can I expect them to offer advice on the life I want to live?

What a weekend….

My planning weekend didn’t go so well. L

When I got home from work on Thursday, I was exhausted, physically and mentally.  I was even considering not making my trip.  So, I went to bed early and got some sleep.

Friday started out with me still in a funk but I was going forward regardless of my emotional state.  I got my kids situated and after a couple of errands I decided to stop at a little coffee shop.  I sat outside, drank my coffee and read a book.  After about an hour, I decided that no matter what I got done at home I was going out of town.  I got a few things done and headed out.  When I got to my brothers they were just getting home from dinner.  He made a pitcher of margaritas and we visited for a couple of hours.

Saturday morning started with a meeting with their contractor, then breakfast and several hours of working on their new house.  That afternoon, we headed back to their other house for showers and dinner.  Dinner was at a quaint outdoor place.  They had a full menu of beers.  It was different for me but nice too.  I only drank one beer which turned out to be very high in alcohol content.  We headed back to their place where my brother whipped up another pitcher of his homemade margaritas.  The weather was nice so we all sat out on their patio and visited.

First came the conversation of why I am still single or as he asked “so what’s the bumper sticker version of why you and your daughter’s dad got a divorce?” The discomfort started.  This conversation was followed by the “so what are your plans for a new job?” “What are your finances and how do you think you can afford to move?”  It was nice to get some input but after a couple of pitchers of margaritas, I was getting very discouraged and feeling defeated.  This was not going according to my plan.  I was having a good time but I wanted input on how to move forward not a criticism of my past choices.  My sister in law was being a barrier for me until she fell asleep.  I headed to bed feeling a bit tipsy and hoping I wouldn’t get sick.

Sunday morning started with a “what’s on the agenda?” text message from me to my brother.  We agreed to get ready and head back to the other house for more demolition.  We worked for a few hours and then headed back for showers and I headed home.

It was a nice trip all in all.  I did get a few positive affirmations in the respect that they were impressed that I make the money I do and I am able to work my monthly budget by myself.  I did come home a bit defeated but after reflecting it was still forward movement.  I will elaborate in my next post.