When I returned home from my visit with my brother and sister in law, I was a bit defeated. However, I am learning more and more about what I want and what I do not.
I realized that they work for others and it works for them. They make great money, they save and they have no children. They travel and can do lots of things together. They enjoy great food and drinks and being able to host others.
All those things are nice but they are not my life nor the direction that I want for myself. I want to work for myself. I would like to make good money and save some but I do have children and I enjoy them, most of the time. I am laughing but I am also being real honest. It is very important to me that my children see me happy and that they have a rounded world. I do not want them to get hurt but I want them to live. I want them to be able to play outside, regardless of their allergies, mosquitos, or the weather, within reason. I want them to see that they do not have to work for anyone else to realize their dreams. I want them to know that I will love them regardless of their career plans.
On Sunday, my brother made it a point to ask me if my son talks about what he wants to do. I asked “like for a career and what college he wants to go to?” He said yes and I was dumbfounded. I said that I do not push those decisions at this point and he got rather irritated with me and said “so you do not push him to think about his future?” I did not argue with him but I wanted to say something about this being exactly why I did not want to move close to him and why I want to move away from our parents. My son is 9 years old. At this point, I know that he is going to work and be pressured for many, many years after he is an adult and I want him to be a kid while he is still a kid.
I have heard it said that you should never take travel advise from someone who has never left home and I am paying attention to the advice that I am receiving. I have been home a few days now and things are sinking in. I went there for positive reinforcement and I did not need too. My plans are very different from how they live, so how can I expect them to offer advice on the life I want to live?